You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize