Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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