i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
