I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
