The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How does one acquire holy water?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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