Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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