idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
