I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
