My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
