You made me cry and you don't even care
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
