We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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