By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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