I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
