the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
