So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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