if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
