sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just found puke in my bra..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
