We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
