Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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