her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
COCAINE IS GR8
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
