1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
