i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
