wat bout pragnant strippers??
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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