A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize