But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
