So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
