Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
