look no pants
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
