You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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