Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I wear drunk well.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
