I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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