I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
