I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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