dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
