The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize