I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
