i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
