shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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