I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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