I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
