I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
