I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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