Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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