And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
