hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
