I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
BRING THE BAGELS
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
