Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
