Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
