I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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