He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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