when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
