woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
