I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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