Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
