Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
