I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
