you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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