OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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