Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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