Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
