I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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