Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm passing your future prison.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
