How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
