Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
