Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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