Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
