Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
