idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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