Quick, to the slutcave!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
