I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize