Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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