Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
