Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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