I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
