Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
