I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
