you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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