I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
