Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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