xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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