He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
