end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
