o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
